NLP in Writing

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is the idea that through deliberate actions on your part, you can influence others. Sounds far-fetched? We do it every day. Commercials on TV promise us that “experts” say or that “85% of women” prefer… Who are these experts or women? Are they representative of their peers? If only two experts say to buy one toothpaste, yet five tell you to buy another, who is right? Women might prefer one hair coloring agent over another to the tune of 85%, but they only asked 23 people, and around 19 of them say they liked it—after they received the sample free and with the promise of further samples. And what about the other 4 women, who exhibited severe reactions to the formula?

NLP in Writing

The point is that we don’t ask these questions, because words have power over us. An expert is someone to be trusted, and if 85% of women prefer a product, it must be good.

Before I made writing my number one hobby, I took courses in all areas from computer hardware to HR management and even marketing. One field that occupied my time for several years was neuro-linguistic programming. I first understood the power language and behavior have over us when I read this example.

A mother, discussing a prospective suitor of her daughter’s, says: “I know John is ugly, but he’s rich.”
Her 19-year-old daughter says: “I know John is rich, but he’s ugly.”

As you can see, the location of the word “but” complete changes the tone of the statement for each sentence.

And on the opposite end of the spectrum, “don’t” is a thoroughly unimportant word, which explains why it’s often ignored. Our brains are wired to listen out for active verbs. Giving positive commands to your children is much more likely to work than negative commands. Because when you say “don’t act silly,” their brains focus on “act silly.”

So instead of saying, “Don’t jump around like a maniac,” try saying, “Sit down and play at the table.”

Of course kids aren’t so easily swayed, so you might try another NLP trick. By giving two positive choices, your child gets to pick. They believe they are in control, even though you pull the strings. So rather than saying, “Don’t jump around like a maniac,” try asking, “Would you like to do some coloring, or would you like to play with your toy cars?”

It is important to note that normal mortals like you and I will not be able to force people, especially children, to do something they won’t want to do. But we can nudge.

Did you know that hypnosis is based on NLP, too? In fact, magic and NLP are interwoven, so if NLP promises you effects that seem like magic, there’s a reason.

Mirroring

People who are “in sync” mentally are usually also “in sync” physically. If you lean forward, your partner does too. NLP says that this also works the other way around. If you “mimic” the other person’s movements subtly (i.e. they must not notice), you can implant in your partner’s mind the feeling that the two of you are “in sync.” This is called mirroring. What’s more, once you are “in sync,” you should be able to take the lead in the conversation, steer it where you want it to go, and you partner will now follow your movements. By creating a feeling of togetherness, you can affect how open the other person is to your ideas.

Nlp in writing

If your best friend uses a specific word a lot, you may find yourself using it, too. In the same vein, you can “tap” into a prospective employer’s thoughts by using words he or she uses. Experts in NLP distinguish between people who are visual or auditory or kinesthetic, or any combination of those. If you are visual, you learn better through watching a film or reading a text than simply through listening to your college professor drone on about the Mesozoic era. You might also prefer “visual” language—“I see” to indicate understanding; “Look here” to make a point.

Examples

Neal Caffrey in the TV series White Collar occasionally explains the tricks of his trade. Wearing a blue tie and adjusting it (drawing attention to it) makes the blonde jewelry expert examine the blue gemstone first. Using words that rhyme with “pink”, e.g. think, drink, link, makes her examine the pink stone next.

NLP also claims that people behave a certain way when they lie and that lies are told in a particular way.

Linguistically, the subject/liar may avoid contractions (“I did not have sex with that woman” as opposed to “I didn’t have sex with that woman”). But there are physical signs, too.

They might cross their legs or arms, signaling a reluctance to be “open” to your questions. Maybe they even turn away from you or cover their mouth by touching their nose or in an awkward cough (which also buys time). Look more closely at their face, and you might detect that their eyebrows have gone up slightly on the insides (the sides near the nose), an indicator of fear. Another sing of fear is that the corners of their lips drop.

After their statement, the subject may focus on you to gauge whether you believe them.

Remember the earlier statement about visual, auditory and kinesthetic people? NLP at one point suggested that people glance up to access their visual center, and then to their right (your left) to access the creative part of their brain, suggesting they’re constructing a lie. If they’re glancing up and to their left, they’re accessing an actual memory. If they concentrate on a voice or a sound from the past, their glances will be more level, once again with the real memories on their left. If they look down and to their right, they might be concentrating on how they’re feeling, and down and to their left they might indicate internal dialog.

This idea has received much criticism. Why? Because people are individuals. For some, memories are accessed by looking to their right. Others look in the same direction whether they’re lying or telling the truth.

In other words, even though paying attention to your subject’s behavior when they’re lying might pay off, don’t simply rely on this model before accusing your partner of cheating on you!

NLP in Fiction

NLP has been used extensively in crime fiction. From White Collar and Leverage to Lie To Me and The Mentalist, screen writers have applied these techniques to pull of cons or catch liars.

So what does NLP have to do with writing a book? Well, you can use these techniques, too. In crime fiction, you could have a body language expert being fooled by a lady who used Botox to mask her facial reactions. In fantasy, your character could be misled by a mentor or a scientist—authority figures he trusts. In romance, a careless sentence could wreak havoc on two people’s chances of finding their soulmate.

Nlp in writing

You could even use language to lead your readers astray. How? Name your baddie Kirsty, who has a lovely sister called Jen. When talking about nefarious goings-on, use words like “mend” and “ten” and “Ben” and “zen,” and you might just steer your reader toward the belief that Jen is the evil one. Alternatively, Kirsty could deliberately hesitate, even be “reluctant,” before telling your main character that Jen has been behaving erratically, and then dismiss it. If done skilfully, you might cast suspicion on Jen. If done like a bull in a china shop, you could cast suspicion on Kirsty.

Using a combination of tactics, planting red herrings isn’t that difficult and add spice to your plot.

Do I practice what I preach? I have indeed used a powerful tool based on the assumptions people make in my book GUARDED, and BOUND deals with the fallout of what happens when misunderstandings are left uncorrected—some might say that the omission of a truth is just another form of lying.

The field of NLP and body language is too large for me to get into now, and I’m certainly no expert of the human psyche. However, according to my own experiments, the methods I have described here work on the majority of people.

The name of the game is playing with your readers’ expectations.

Can you think of a book or a movie where these “mind games” have been used to good effect?

P.S.: Notice how I simply asserted that the methods work on the majority of people? I have offered no proof of these “experiments,” yet in all likelihood you have taken my statement as fact. Don’t!

The 12 DAYS OF NON-DENOMINATIONAL HOLIDAYS discount

For the 12 days from December 25 – January 5, at least one of my books will be discounted.

Guarded
GUARDED (The Silverton Chronicles, Book 1)
Will be available at $3.99/£2.39 on Amazon (20% off), with a 20% discount voucher if bought on Smashwords (coupon code: EB59L)

Book 2 of The Silverton Chronicles is scheduled for release in April. Get your copy of Book 1 now so you don’t miss the train.

Show tell
SHOW DON’T TELL (Immersive Writing From The Roots Up)
can be snapped up for $1.99 (33% off)

If you’re an author, you know nothing will have a greater impact on your writing than the right kind of showing and telling. Let this guide show you how to get started with great examples and exercises you can do right there on your ebook reader.

EDITORS ARE EVIL

But We Love Them

Furious woman

A book dies and gets reborn many times before it finds its way into the reader’s hands. We swap scenes, delete chapters, write new ones, delete them, until we’re finally ready to look at our version of Frankenstein’s monster and think, proudly, ‘that’ll do.’

You see, those scars we left behind, continuity errors, jokes that are hilarious even though no longer relevant, they fade into the background, because the book is our baby, and it is beautiful.

Then comes the editor. She’s like the horrible boss that finds fault with everything. Some call her the devil. Not me. I wouldn’t dare. The editor is there to take your creation away. You struggle, you postpone the handover, you make excuses, but in the end reality hits: your work is perfect, and the editor will have no choice but concede this point and worship at your genius.

When I say ‘reality,’ you have to bear in mind that I’m a writer who inhabits many different worlds every month, and ‘reality’ is a rather fluid concept.

While your editor takes her time admiring your prose, you go through a stage of withdrawal. Your friends and family are nice and everything; sure, they care about you, yada yada yada; but the people that really matter to you now live with your editor. Not to worry, a few weeks or months later, they’ll be back with you.

Finally, that wonderful day is here. Except…

What the hell has my editor done to my masterwork? Is she crazy? I’m not an idiot, I knew there might be some minor flaws, but the margin is full of comments. Some are smileys and LOLs, but the rest? Didn’t I do anything right?

So I rant. To myself. I know not to vent at other people, but I’m a willing audience for my own anger. I read and re-read the e-mail that lists her main points, like some sick need for self-flagellation.

And something clicks. Some of her remarks echo concerns I had before, but thought I could “get away with.” So I start on the manuscript and work my way through. I take care of the quick fixes first so I can delete those comments and get some breathing space. The comments that are left will take more effort, not to mention the issues raised in the e-mail, but in my head, the final product takes shape.

By the end of chapter two, magic has happened. I can see the finished book. It will take me weeks to get there, but by God, it’s going to be worth it. And I don’t mind putting in the time. The resulting story will still be my creation, this time without scars. Plus, I’m back in the company of my favorite people.

Once it’s done, I’ll dress it up in a copy edit and some beta reading, but the tough bit will be behind me. Thanks to my beautiful editor who pushes me to deliver the best book I can. Dylan, you rock!

CLIFFHANGERS AS LITERARY DEVICE

Clever Excitement-Builder Or Annoying Cliché?

Caution: Spoilers

Cliffhanger

Cliffhangers are infuriating and exciting. Authors love leaving us – and their characters – in limbo, dangling off the metaphorical cliff.

In movies, the most famous one might arguably be ‘The Italian Job.’ The what-happens-next ending suited the film, and was in hindsight more satisfying than letting the scoundrels get away with the loot or having them caught.

In ‘Inception‘, we never learned the truth about which reality Cobb ended up in. Again, this was in keeping with rest of the film.

It’s important to note that these cliff hangers are the intended endings, and the question of ‘what happens next?’ is an integral part of the story. They are not meant to build up to anything beyond the movie’s original scope.

Here’s the rub

The problem arises when cliffhangers are setting up sequels. No movie shows this more than ‘Matrix:Reloaded,’ since the last of the Matrix films never really lived up to it. Don’t get me wrong. I liked it. I just would have liked it a lot more if my expectations hadn’t been ramped up to the max by ‘Reloaded.’

If you watched ‘24,’ where almost every episode leaves you with your heart in your mouth, you have to wait a week at most for the next instalment. Or you get the boxset. With the Matrix, the wait stretched for over six months. But nowadays, too many TV programs use cliffhangers to bridge the wait to the next season. And assuming we get to see a next season at all, we’re stuck for six to twelve months not knowing. Will it be worth it?

After all, the payoff has to be equal to the suspense created by the cutoff. But cliffhangers have other problems.

We perceive the annoyance created at the end of one episode as delicious for only a brief moment. By the time the sequel comes around, we might at best remember the anticipation, but hardly any of the plot used to set it up. And this is why cliffhangers are bad for readers and for authors, too.

As a reader, my heartbeat hammers in my ears.

The car goes into tail spin, and the heroine holds onto the car’s oh-crap handle. “Marty?” she shouts. But the driver’s head lolls to the side, his eyes wide and empty. She reaches for the steering wheel. Too late. The car veers off the road into a field. Her stomach bounces. The engine sputters and a double-dip in the bumpy ground rattles her like a rag doll. She bites her tongue, tastes her blood. Oh no. A tree. A f***ing tree. The tree isn’t getting out of the way. Move, dammit, move!

The end.

Our adrenaline is keeping us going, and the cut-off puts us into a spin. The whole day, our brain won’t let us rest, mulling over the different outcomes. Heck, I can’t wait for the next book. I want to read it now!

Nine months later.

Ah, the next book’s out. Great. I’ll definitely buy it, although I probably won’t get around to reading it until Christmas.

Come Christmas, I sit down with a lovely cup of tea and the book. I remember that the last one ended on a cliffhanger. A car accident. I psych myself up. My heartbeat’s in the healthy range, but my expectations are sky-high.

She wakes up, a regular beep echoing the beating of her heart. She rolls her head to the side. Her mother sits in a chair by her bedside, with more white hairs than she remembers.
“Oh darling.” Her mother takes her hand. “I’ve been so worried.”

Cue the reader, who reads on, with her expectations dashed. What happened to the high-octane car chase? To her raised expectations? Why exactly did her pulse jitter so much nine months ago? For a tepid hospital room scene?

Reader satisfaction

Basically, shouldn’t books have a beginning, a middle, and an end, with most plotlines neatly tied up with a bow? But if the author used a cliffhanger, the next book, in my experience, may not recreate the outpour of adrenaline, or it doesn’t even try.

Perhaps I’m too old-fashioned, and reader satisfaction is overrated. I’m an experimental writer. With every book, I push my boundaries to try something I haven’t tried before. But cliffhangers aren’t for me. I just don’t see the advantage.

As a reader, I don’t mind them too much. Some are even done with incredible finesse, and the sequels keep all their predessors’ promises. Those few books I treasure.

As for the rest, I’ve become numb to them. You end your reading experience not with a satisfied sigh but with a pained scream, only to embark on a new adventure nine months later which leaves you equally frustrated. And with more and more authors making use of the cliffhanger, the novelty is wearing off.

The cliffhanger should not be the go-to tool for authors. How refreshing it would be to read a story with an ending.

How do you feel about cliffhangers? Love them? Perhaps you know some books that have pulled them off perfectly? Let me know.

Writing Tips – Likeability

CREATING LIKEABLE CHARACTERS

Writing tips

I don’t have all the answers, but I have learned a thing or two over the years. And while I don’t advocate a cookie-cutter approach, there’s nothing wrong with sharing a few ideas that might help you come unstuck. So here are some no-nonsense writing tips on making your character more likeable. Don’t use them all at once. That would be like slapping the reader in the face. But the right one at the right time might transition your story into a new gear. If you find anything useful here, I’d love to hear from you.

Save the Cat

Show your character as a moral, good person. They could save a cat, for example (See Blake Snyder’s book, Save The Cat). Or paint them as the victim of a fundamentally unfair event, like witnesses to a horrific crime, at their mother’s funeral, or being falsely accused. Readers tend to root for the underdog.

Deep Point of View

Dig deep into your character’s POV. That means no filter words, and no telling.

Using Pronouns

As much as we dislike paragraphs where every sentence begins with “I” (or “she” or “he”), now and again it’s necessary to connect the story back to the character.

Transitions

Include transitions. In your effort to streamline your prose and tighten it, don’t forget to specify that your character got out of the car. “She parked the Mustang and grunted. Stupid car. Her friend walked up to her and they hugged.” For many readers, this passage jars, since in their heads, “the character’s still in the car yet somehow hugging her friend. How? Through the window?” So if she gets out, say so. If she crossed the room, say so. And if she drives to a new location, say so.

Motivation

A character needs motivation, a story goal to pursue. Let us call this the final goal, since this is what the character wants to have achieved by the end. To bring their mother’s murderer to justice. To escape her violent husband. To track down a treasure. The earlier you mention this final goal, the more we connect to the character. Occasionally a character doesn’t know their final goal until well into the book. That’s fine, but once they do, tell the reader what it is, and keep referring to it now and again for the remainder of the book.

In addition, the character will have intermediate goals. Every scene and every chapter should have its own goal. To escape a gangster. To find the treasure map. To survive the night.

And just as important is to understand that almost every moment evokes a short-term goal. Strong, sustained conflict and plot events fire these short-term goals at the character, and as a writer it’s easy to forget to clarify them for a reader. To tell a convincing lie. To find a quiet moment for themselves. To go and hide. This is the most obvious and also the most underused of all three goals. Not every short-term goal needs to be laid out plainly, but probably a greater number than you think. If you do not dig into the character’s motivation, your reader cannot connect.

These three types of goals must be specified, not merely hinted at. “Oh shoot. I’m in trouble” isn’t half as effective in creating likability as “Oh shoot. I have to get out of here.” A character is likely to have many goals, and you need to spell them out, more than once.

By clearly laying out your goals, you can ratchet up the tension. If the character’s short-term goal is to run and hide, and they fail in that goal, the reader takes note and roots for them. Occasionally, a character may fail to achieve their intermediate goal. This can make for a major heart-in-your-throat moment. Some intermediate goals must be achieved, of course, because it is through them that the character attains their main objective. For reader satisfaction and a happy ending, I recommend that final goals should always be achieved.

Goals can be internal or external. Finding their mother’s killer would be a character’s external final goal. Hiding out in bed for a good cry would be the character’s internal short-term goal. For best effect, counter balance external goals with internal goals and vice versa.

Reaction

Make sure every action from a third party evokes in your character a reaction consisting of one, two, or all of the following, depending on the moment’s importance: a reaction (what does your character do?), a visceral emotion (i.e. what physical reaction takes place, i.e. a swallow or a turning stomach?), and an internal comment (a short “Oh shoot” or a sentence or even a paragraph explaining her reaction). If the reader cannot understand why your character does what he or she does, it’s tough to even care.

Setting

Your character comes to life in the way they see the world. Even a serial killer can be made likeable by allowing him to notice a gentle moment between a mother and her child, or the frost-tipped branches of a majestic tree. Imagine what this can do to your hero. Flip this around, and you could use this tool to plant red herrings by allowing a nice character to draw unpleasant analogies, such as describing the color red as the color of raw meat. If the reader is put off by the character’s thought processes, they might be more inclined to suspect the character is up to no good.

As I said, these are ideas that have helped me. If you can think of other ones I haven’t yet considered, please let me know.

POEMS AND THE MUSES

Abuse

Poems

One day in the long forgotten present
I sat wailing at the waning crescent
Of the dark moon’s bulging cheek.

Cheated, laughed at, even beaten
By a sinful handsome cretin,
I’ve been hiding for a week.

I step out, my face is glowing,
No more crying, no more bowing.
But his smile, it makes me weak.

Eyes wide open, lips hot burning,
We go to bed, my stomach churning,
Yes, my life is up the creek.

C. Fox, 2005

 

This poor attempt at a poem harks back to my time volunteering at a women’s shelter. A harrowing time, not always successfully countered by my frequent creative surges.

But it doesn’t matter. Whether good or bad, poems helped me practise language, at least they did nearly ten years ago. Despite its casual, playful setup, it’s based on a conversation with a woman who was a victim and kept going back to her abusive boyfriend.

Nowadays I write the rare whimsical limerick, and mostly full-sized novels. Guess I’ve found my niche.

What do you do to indulge your muse? Write? Paint? Sing?

WRITING ACTIVE HOOKS REVIEW – DOES EXACTLY WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN

Mary, Mary, Writers’ Fairy, Grant Me A Wish

The wish of being a better writer and of hooking my readers’ attention.

*swish*

Writing hooks

“Read this, child, and your wish shall be granted.”

Sadly, outside of Mary’s Invisible Recruits series, magic requires a lot of hard graft. But it just got a little bit easier.

Whether you’re a beginner or a pro, some writing rules you’ve always known. “It was a dark and stormy night” has outlived its usefulness. Nowadays, we want to grab agents, editors and readers by the throat from the start.

So you come up with a clever first sentence that attracts the reader’s interest. Next, you set the scene by describing the swooping of the valleys below. And finally you construct the roads that funnel the reader from one scene to the next. Right?

Writing active Hooks

Well, not according to Mary Buckham. Her book tore up the carefully laid infrastructure of my plot like a jackhammer. Has that woman no shame?

I can’t speak to her shame, but there’s no doubting she knows her stuff. Because she not only helped me fill in the freshly excavated holes with a perfect finish, but gave me the tools to build a better and stronger groundwork in the future. From where to place my hooks for optimum benefit to which types work best for my story, she leaves no stone unturned. Practical examples serve as road signs and guide you reliably to your destination: a true page-turner.

So don your hard hats, roll up your sleeves, and let’s dig deep to make the magic happen.

Writing Active Hooks by Mary Buckham is available now.

WORDS OF FEAR

Vocabulary Builder

In fiction writing, finding the right word is not always simple. I own many word collections I whip out now and again, for reference or for inspiration. Today, I share one of those lists with you. This one including words of fear.

Fluttering hearts and clammy skin aside, plenty of verbs, adjectives, and occasionally nouns help build an atmosphere of forboding or outright terror. Play around with them, add your own, but most of all, use them.

Then build your own. Further lists of words I own are alternatives for the various ways we can move from place to place, i.e. synonyms for walk, plus alternatives for pull, push, words that go great with the heart for kick-in-the-teeth viscerals, and so on. Let me know if you have any preferences. I’m happy to share.

www.carmen-fox.com

DEEP POINT OF VIEW

The Four Pillars of Better Writing

Deep POV

Ever received feedback that a reader didn’t quite connect with your character? That your story didn’t grab them? Perhaps you’ve even felt that way about your own book. What went wrong?

You followed all the rules. You polished your language. You showed, and didn’t tell. You used plenty of pronouns for a deep POV. You even had your character save Blake Snyder’s cat. What more can you possibly do?

Now, readers often don’t have a clue what makes good writing stand out. That’s how it should be. They can’t pinpoint what might be wrong with a scene, but they will know if the writing is flawed.

The best thing a writer can do for their manuscript is to edit using the four pillars of better writing.

1. Show don’t tell.

Sure, you’ve worked your ass off to show, but did you catch all the ‘tells’? Showing isn’t about a step-by-step description or about describing the environment. The best way to catch your tells is by reading your book from the last page to the first, focusing on each sentence out of context.

2. Nix filter words.

Certain words tell your reader how your character perceives the world. Your goal, however, should be to let the reader experience the world as your character does, not to hear about it second-hand. YOU are the story teller, not your character.

3. Active settings.

This is my weakest spot. The idea is to describe the scene how your character would see, hear, feel, smell, live it. What is important to your character? A florist might marvel at a bouquet of flowers. A warrior might envy an arsenal of shiny swords.

4. Voice
This is what your book is all about. The je ne sais quoi every agent and editor is after. Let it shine.

Consider this:

“She’d never felt so tired in her life. Even her sight was letting her down. The plant in the corner looked blurred. Dark blotches marred her perception of the plush carpet. She wondered if she’d make it into bed. She took off her shoes, her top, her pants, considered taking off her underwear, too, but decided against it. Instead, she climbed into bed. Two minutes later she was asleep.”

I hope no one considers this good writing. Let’s discuss the flaws one by one.

She’d never FELT so tired. “Felt” is a filter word. You’re telling the reader how the character felt, rather than showing the fatigue. How does your character experience her tiredness? Perhaps her limbs ache. She has a headache. Her thoughts are sluggish. Three excellent ways of SHOWING how she feels.

“The door slammed shut behind her. She rolled her aching head. Each step pushed her limbs closer to the point of failure. Even her sight was letting her down. The plant in the corner looked blurred. Dark blotches marred her perception of the plush carpet.”

Let’s stop right here. “Even her sight was letting her down” is a fine sentence, except it tells rather than shows. You know it is telling because the following two sentences basically SHOW the same thing.

Sadly, they don’t show her vision problems very well, though. First, “looked” is a filter word. Next, “marred her perception” are unlikely words thought by someone who’s dead on their feet. And finally, “plush” is a wonderful adjective, but it’s not a visual one, and therefore does not convince as evidence she can’t see well.

Is there a way to combine SHOWING with a more active setting? Why, for example, would the character pick out the plant in the corner of their own bedroom? They wouldn’t.

However, if they have a headache, they might notice the ticking of a clock on the wall. Or the ceiling lights might be too bright. Or the fumes from the open window might roil their stomach.

But let’s not lull the reader to sleep with too many descriptions.

So how about this?

“The door slammed shut behind her. She rolled her aching head. Each step pushed her limbs closer to the point of failure. She kicked off her shoes, let the plush carpet massage her tired feet. The ticks of the old grandfather clock hammered inside her skull. She wondered if she’d make it into bed. She took off her top, her pants, considered taking off her underwear, too, but decided against it.”

Whoa. What was that? “Wondered” is a filter. So is “considered.” Let’s cut them.

“Decided” is a typical “telling word,” together with “managed,” “tried,” “reach” and many others, by the way. No, these sentences require a rewrite.

“The door slammed shut behind her. She rolled her aching head. Each step pushed her limbs closer to the point of failure. She kicked off her shoes, let the plush carpet massage her tired feet. The ticks of the old grandfather clock hammered inside her skull. She slipped off her top. Her pants protested at first. But a wiggle of her ass and a hard yank freed her legs. She climbed into bed. Two minutes later she was asleep.”

Did you catch it? The last two sentences are telling, dull, and illogical. How can she tell us she was asleep if she was, well, asleep?

Darn. And we thought we’d done it.

“The door slammed shut behind her. She rolled her aching head. Each step pushed her limbs closer to the point of failure. She kicked off her shoes, let the plush carpet massage her tired feet. The ticks of the old grandfather clock hammered inside her skull. She slipped off her top. Her pants protested at first. But a wiggle of her ass and a hard yank freed her legs. The bed welcomed her like a lover, while her freshly laundered sheets released the scent that had lulled her to sleep when her mother was still alive.”

Better. Just one question. Why is she tired in the first place? We’re missing voice. Perhaps some internal thought and a hook would finish off the scene with a flourish.

“The door slammed shut behind her, and she rolled her aching head. Each step pushed her limbs closer to the point of failure. She kicked off her shoes, let the plush carpet massage her tired feet. Henry was a sweet boy, with the energy of a rollercoaster, but the next time her brother asked her to babysit, she’d hire a professional. Someone who was used to the delightful shrieks and the adorable mood swings of a six-year-old.

The ticks of the old grandfather clock hammered inside her skull. She slipped off her top. Her pants protested, but a wiggle of her ass and a hard yank freed her legs. Finally. The bed welcomed her like a lover. One by one, her muscles relaxed. She shut her eyes, soaking in the lavender scent from her freshly laundered sheets. Tomorrow, she’d battle the sexy but cunning Damon for the Dragon’s Cup.

After Henry, fending off the wizard’s dirty tricks was going to be child’s play.”

Getting this right is something I struggle with every day. But it’s a fight worth fighting. The difference these techniques make to your writing are tremendous, no matter your level.

What do you struggle with?

If you’re interested in finding out more, I’d recommend starting with Mary Buckham’s awesome Writing Active Setting – The Boxset.

THE STIGMA OF WRITING INTIMACY

Writing sex scenes – Why all the fuss?

Guarded
Collage for Guarded, its raunchy nature obvious

As I embarked on a new project, I’ve had to confront a few demons. Not all of them mine. How far should I go in incorporating sex scenes to be faithful to my vision of where the story needs to go? Will sexing-up my novel turn me into a pariah, destined to be shunned by friends and relatives? I’ve written about sex before, but my next novel is planned to be a step more graphic. Yet even turning up the heat factor by one setting poses problems.

Doing research on erotic romance, and on the authors who write it, I came across an interesting survey.

The Fussy Librarian survey

Demographics

In May 2014, the Fussy Librarian, an ebook recommendation website, asked 103 authors of erotic romance novels a bunch of questions. Some of the results were predictable, notably their gender (94% female, predominant age group: 24-54 years, 89% heterosexual). The husbands/wives/partners of most of the authors questioned here, and in 69% of cases their mothers, are fully aware of what’s going on on their computers. Their fathers? Well, daddys and daughters. Only 53% of authors had shared their chosen genre with their fathers.

I get that. But did their parents actually read any of their erotic novels? A surprising 42% did.

Meet the authors

So, who are these people who write erotica? Turns out, they are people like you and me. The average age they lost their virginity and the number of times they have sex in a month match the average American (as per a survey carried out by the Kinsey Institute). And 45% of our authors had sex on a first date. At this point, it should be noted that in a Singles in America survey, 2012, the average among all singles, male and female is 44%, but an earlier 2004 ABC News survey discovered only 17% of women had sex on a first date. Still, the 44% mentioned in the Singles in America survey presumably had sex with a partner, right?

Secret layers?

Are erotic romance authors kinkier than the average American? It would certainly appear so. According to the Kinsey Institute, less than 20% of Americans had participated in BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism), but a whopping 41% of our authors had given it a go. Most of them (84%) had had sex outdoors (average according to an ABC news poll in 2004 was 54%). Sex in the office, anyone? 41% of our authors screamed ‘yes,’ compared to only 7% according to the ABC News poll.

Erotic romance authors also appear to have had more sexual partners than the average American, although the rate of infidelity among those surveyed was notably lower.

What does it all mean?

These are stats. They’re interesting, for sure, but what can we glean from the numbers? Perhaps I’m completely off-base, but we should not forget who we’re talking about. These erotic romance authors write about sex every day. They make money treating intimacy like the natural and desirable thing it is. When they admit to having attempted BDSM or sex in unusual places, I can see no reason they should feel shy about admitting it in a survey (especially not if it’s just a few ticks on a piece of paper). Ask the average person, not everyone is going to be so forthright. Even if they’re promised anonymity.

My guess is the number among erotic romance authors may indeed be slightly higher, although not as high as the figures suggest. Either way, these authors take their writing seriously. They will not giggle at the mention of sex and are bound to be curious about the techniques and locations they write about.

Why did I share these stats with you?

I have the highest respect for authors of erotic novels. My tastes don’t run into the exotic, but I respect authors who push boundaries. My next book, Guarded, is my raunchiest book yet. A mere three sex scenes, but more graphic than anything I’ve attempted before. And already the panic has set in. Should I get a super-secret pen name so none of my friends will know that the intimate details I describe were conjured in my brain? The other day I mentioned the steamier nature of the book to a friend of mine, who assured me that if I went ahead, she would never be able to look at me the same way.

I fear she won’t be alone. Telling my parents? When pigs fly.

Is this the year 2014? I’m tempted to bury my book forever, yet a tiny, rebellious part of me is tired of this hypocrisy. If my characters engage in sex, is this somehow equal to posting a video of me in the act on the Internet? Am I suddenly a bad person? By the same logic, what does it say about me if my character kills one of her enemies? The hang-up is my friend’s, but it’s a hang-up that will affect me all the same.

Does anyone have advice for a writer who wishes to nudge the envelope just a tad? How did you cope with the stigma?

Thank you.